It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, master sam, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling excessively concerned, master sam punched a banana, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he realized that his beloved book was missing! Immediately he called his vicariously jealous friend, Benjaman. master sam had known benjaman for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones. Benjaman was unique. He was attractive though sometimes a little... dimwitted. master sam called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Benjaman picked up to a very unctuous master sam. Benjaman calmly assured him that most spotted wolf hamsters sneeze before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually explosively turn red *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting master sam. Why was Benjaman trying to distract master sam? Because he had snuck out from master sam's with the book only ten days prior. It was a saucy little book... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before master sam got back to the subject at hand: his book. benjaman belched. Relunctantly, Benjaman invited him over, assuring him they'd find the book. master sam grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Benjaman realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the book and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if master sam took the deliciously practical 4-door, he had take at least eleven minutes before master sam would get there. But if he took the refrigerator? Then benjaman would be alarmingly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Benjaman was interrupted by three dimwitted bulls that were lured by his book. Benjaman grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he deftly reached for his carrot and skillfully slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the imat rolling up. It was master sam.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at K-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, master sam was out of the imat and went indiscriminately jaunting toward benjaman's front door. Meanwhile inside, benjaman was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the book into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his canoe. Benjaman was angered but at least the book was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' benjaman surreptitiously purred. With a heroic push, master sam opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive beer-sloshed tool in a tricycle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' benjaman assured him. master sam took a seat tragically close to where Benjaman had hidden the book. Benjaman shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But master sam was distracted. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, benjaman noticed a pestering look on master sam's face. master sam slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Benjaman felt a stabbing pain in his taint when master sam asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the book right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A stupid look started to form on master sam's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. master sam nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before benjaman could react, master sam aggressively lunged toward the box and opened it. The book was plainly in view.
master sam stared at benjaman for what what must've been five hours. In a tragically predictable turn of events, benjaman groped sassily in master sam's direction, clearly desperate. master sam grabbed the book and bolted for the door. It was locked. benjaman let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, master sam,' he rebuked. benjaman always had been a little insensitive, so master sam knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before benjaman did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at him or something. A few unsatisfying minutes later, he gripped his book tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Benjaman looked on, blankly. 'What the? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from master sam. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for master sam. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Benjaman walked over to the window and looked down. master sam was gone.
Just yonder, master sam was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Benjaman's place. master sam had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral bulls suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the book. One by one they latched on to master sam. Already weakened from his injury, master sam yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of bulls running off with his book.
But then God came down with His congenial smile and restored master sam's book. Feeling frustrated, God smote the bulls for their injustice. Then He got in His gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV and sped away with the fortitude of 20 long-haired sea monkeys running from a little pack of legless puppies. master sam danced with joy when he saw this. His book was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in nine minutes his favorite TV show, Justin beiber no. 1 talk show, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When legless puppies meet weapon of mass destruction'). master sam was thrilled. And so, everyone except benjaman and a few malaria-toting disease-carrying chipmunks lived blissfully happy, forever after.
*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-present
This is the link if you want to make random stories: http://www.the-elite.net/story-generator/
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